Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Taking The Piss In Green Point

I cannot express enough how deeply impressed I am by the new Green Point stadium. I've been there twice now and each visit has uncovered a new ingenious piece of modern sports stadium design.

First impressions were of wide boulevards that surround the stadium's perimeter and multiple access points, which meant getting to and finding one's seat was a simple and queue-free exercise.

But that was nothing compared to the urinals. And this is no piss take.

I know a quality urinal when I see one and, let me tell you, the men's urinals at the Green Point stadium must rank up there among the best horizontal pieces of weapons-grade stainless steel I have ever seen. Bursting for a leak after two bottles of Thirty Bucks Bud, I walked into a wide open room, lined with great swathes of metal and plenty of space for hordes of wide-stanced men breaking the seal.

You will know, as a sports fan taking a leak in a stadium pisspot, that it's usually a fairly hazardous affair involving much elbowing and shoving to create enough space at the coal face. Not to mention running the risk of an errant stream of foreign piss pitter-pattering across your sneakers.

No such hazards at Green Point stadium. No my friend, it is a pissing paradise with acres of space and a urinal face aerodynamically angled so as to prevent splash back from even the strongest of streams.

Still none of this helped a poor visiting English football fan who, in full view of a throng of fellow enthusiasts managed to drop his mobile phone into the urinal's trough. There was a sudden and communal sharp intake of breath among those in the room, followed by a "Oooooooooooooohhhh!" usually reserved for Wayne Rooney narrowly missing a goal.

The poor bloke had to fish it out among thumb and forefinger, and head hung low, trapse out with his dripping phone held out far in front of him.

"Own goal" is I believe the term.