For Adults Only

On test... Volvo V40

Volvo… it’s what you would call a typically Swedish brand, right? As a reflection of the national identity, Volvos tick most of the boxes. They are functional in an artfully pragmatic kind of way, there’s a studied Scandinavian quirkiness in their design and they are, of course, famously packed with new and innovative safety functions. Perfect Swedes, right?

Well not quite. You see there’s one thing Volvo’s have never been… and that's sexy. And let’s face it, those Swedes are a damn sexy bunch. It’s a remarkable national characteristic. Their chilly climes are inhabited by legions of tall, javelin-throwing men and hordes of enthusiastically-proportioned, rosy-cheeked women who like nothing better than shussing down the slopes in their bikinis. Pure unadulterated hotness where ever you look.

Which is why Volvos have always puzzled me. In the face of a raft of Miss World titles and an endless supply of slim-hipped tennis stars named Björn, Sven and Magnus, how come Volvo have never designed cars to reflect all this?

Fortunately the new Volvo V40 has put this frankly baffling oversight to rest. This is one very good-looking automobile. Whereas the previous generation V40 and V50 cars – stationwagons – were great family cars, this new V40 is more representative of the reason those people found themselves in the family way in the first place.

Just look at the picture… it’s manages to be both Miss Sweden-sexy with its pouty grill and a butt so improper it’s practically wearing a thong, but (and I’m not even uncomfortable about saying this) there’s also a masculine sexiness in the ripped lines of those body panel creases and muscular wheel arches.

This all a fairly clever ploy by Volvo, because they’ve pitched their new car into a very competitive market segment – the “compact premium”. With the likes of the VW Golf, Ford Focus, Audi A3, BMW 1 Series, and the upcoming new A-Class Merc, it’s a pond filled with some fairly large fish. On most levels, the V40 acquits itself rather well in such celebrated company. The interior may not be the roomiest, but it’s an exercise in unpretentious, ergonomic design executed in high quality leather, plastics and rubber. There’s also a choice of four trim levels from Essential, to Excel, Elite, and the smoking R-Design (the car you’re looking at here).

Under the bonnet you can choose from the very sensible D3 1.6 turbo diesel, right up to the performance-orientated T5 with its petrol 2.5-litre turbo. Volvo have also turned the sensory dial a few clicks to the right with its chassis that has a noticeably sporty character. Handling that was usually sensible and pragmatic is now agile, grippy and focused.

Naturally the V40 still comes with every safety feature bar an ejector seat, but who cares…. just look at it… touch it…. rub it up against your skin…

The Volvo V40 starts at R281 200

(review as appeared in the Feb issue of the Kulula in-flight mag)

Top Five Coolest Dakar Race Cars

THE FIVER To celebrate the 34th running of this most epic of motorsport events, here are five of the coolest cars from the early days of the race.

Renault  4 … 1979

The Marreau brothers were considered crazy. Even by French standards. Their weapon of choice for the 1982 race was the Renault 4 – a 20bhp, front-wheel-drive tin can with a suspension best described as “bouncy", that came stone last in the 1962 Monte Carlo Rally. Granted, Claude and Bernard did have a special four-wheel-drive version with added power… but still. Incredibly, their mobile sauna not only finished, but came 2^nd, beaten only by a Range Rover. 

VW Type 183 … 1980

Most think VW first won the Dakar with the mighty Race Touareg that dominated the race from 2009-11. Not so. It was in fact the little Iltis (German for ‘polecat’) – a VW military vehicle and something of an ancestor to Audi’s legendary Quattro rally car. VW had just bought Auto Union and they were keen to use some of the newly acquired tech. Using an Audi-prepared Iltis with its 1.7-litre, four-cylinder engine, and all-wheel-drive, Freddy Kottulinsky and Gerd Löffelmann entered – and won – the 1980 race.

Rolls Royce Corniche … 1981

Back in the early days of the Dakar, you had to be a bit mental to enter. Back-up and logistics were mere after thoughts. Given the requisite state of mind, most entrants were naturally French. And none more crazed than Thierry de Montcorgé who – thanks to a bet with his friends – entered a Rolls Royce. With a special lightweight body, a Land Cruiser 4x4 system and a 5.7-litre Chevrolet V8 fitted to his Roller, Thierry finished the race.

Porsche 959 … 1986

This road-going supercar, originally designed for the Group B racing formula, was easily the most technologically advanced car of its day. A sophisticated four-wheel drive system and twin-turbo 2.8-litre flat six engine made it an interesting, if somewhat left-field choice, for the Dakar. Racing legend Jacky Ickx, however, reckoned was right on the money. With Ickx at the helm, they entered three cars in the 1986 race, coming 1^st, 2^nd and 5^th.

Peugeot 405 Turbo 16 R … 1989

The Peugeot 405 was a nondescript, boxy, four-door sedan. The 405 Turbo 16 R was anything but that. Losing two doors and sprouting the tallest rear spoiler ever seen, this was a 400bhp mid-engined, four-wheel-drive prototype rocket that borrowed the important bits from Peugeot’s all-conquering 205 T16 rally car. In the hands of world rally champ Ari Vatanen, the 405 simply obliterated the field in 1989 and 90.

(as published in the Kulula in-flight magazine)

Made In Japan. Not

On test... Toyota 86

The Japanese are weird. Not as weird as the Koreans obviously, and certainly nothing like the Belgians, but as unfathomable cultures go, the Japanese rank up right there. There are no half measures with the Japanese. They are either the embodiment of less-is-more frugality with homes made of bamboo, rice paper and a few dabs of Pritt; or they huddle in cities with the kind of traffic congestion and retina-searing neon signage that would intimidate a hardened New Yorker.

Their approach to sports cars reflects these fault lines too. On the one hand you’ve got your Mazda Miatas, your Toyota MR2s and most recently your Honda CRZs. All are small, cute and between the three of them could probably muster up enough watts to power a food blender. Then there’s your Toyota Supras, Nissan GT-Rs, and any number of Mitsubishi Lancer Evos. These are not cars, they are Godzillas. They’re brutally quick and will bite your head off if they even sniff you’re not skilled enough in the saddle.

There’s no in-between with Japanese sportscars. They’re either undercooked or insane. Which is why it’s very hard to believe they made the Toyota 86. Apparently it’s a collab between Toyota and Subaru with latter contributing the engine and Toyota pretty much everything else. Rubbish. The 86 was made in Hethel, Norfolk.

 You see the 86 is simply too perfectly poised, too focused, to be made in Japan. Clearly someone with a Lotus badge embroidered on his white lab coat was the genius behind the 86. Like that other car made in Hethel – the Lotus Elise – the 86 is an exercise in perfectly measured automotive engineering. It’s the distilled essence of a sportscar with a lightweight chassis and just the right amount power under your right ankle to have a total blast. It’s fun power… not intimidating carry-a-spare-pair-of-undies-in-the-glove-compartment power.

With the revvy 147kw 2.0-litre boxer engine up front transmitting its horses to the rear wheels via a wonderful short-throw manual gearbox, and your bottom skimming along a few inches above the ground ensconced in torso-hugging bucket seats, the 86 is beautifully balanced. In fact it feels exactly like a Lotus Elise... except, of course, sans the whiff of warm glue and bits of body trim falling off.

Lotis Elise... with bits still on

And the answer to the crucially important question on the lips of every youngster with a freshly-minted drivers license… “Yes it can drift.” With the traction control banished to the Naughty Corner, the 86’s rear end will step out in an easy-to-handle progressive fashion that will allow even those greenhorns to get it sideways without a tow truck on standby.

Which is good to know, because given the genuinely amazing price Lotu… sorry… Toyota are selling these cars for, there will be a fair amount of young men wanting them.

The Toyota 86 starts at R298 500

(as appeared in the Feb 2013 issue of Kulula's in-flight mag)

Top Five Bicycles Made By Folks Who Make Cars

For some reason car brands seems compelled to show the world they can make bicycles too. Mostly they have been rubbish, but there have been some gems...

TOYOTA - Prius Parlee PXP … 2011

Toyota worked with bike makers Parlee to come with this astounding concept bike. The way you change gears on this carbon fibre aero machine is not with your fingers, but with your brain. Human/digital interface specialist Deeplocal built a special “neuron” helmet that uses wireless technology to transfer brainwaves to a micro-control.

MCLAREN - Specialized McLaren Venge … 2012

According to bicycle reviewers, road bikes don’t get much better than the than Specialized S-Works Venge. “Oh really? said the whitecoats over at McLaren’s Applied Technology division. They didn’t mess with the frame geometry or components, but these boffs from the F1 team’s R&D arm were able to create a frame 14% lighter and 15% stiffer. You can buy one too. It costs as much as a new car. But not a McLaren car. Obviously.

FORD - E-Bike Concept … 2011

Taking trad bicycle design, crumpling it up into a little ball and binning it, Ford came up with this two-wheeled carbon and aluminum girder for the Frankfurt Auto Show. Thanks to a motor in the front hub and a lithium-ion battery hidden in the frame, a rider can seamlessly move between muscle and battery power thanks to an “integrated controller and magnetorestriction technology”. Looks sort of steam punk... without the steam bit.

SPYKER - Spyker Aeroblade … 2006

The Dutch makers of odd, but beautifully made supercars teamed up with Dutch cycle brand Koga to make this odd but beautifully-made bicycle. From its handmade titanium frame, and carbon composite wheels, to the Rohloff 14-speed internal rear hub, the attention to detail on this R130 000 machine is gobsmacking. Only 50 were made back in 2006.

MASERATI - Montante Maserati 8CTF … 2010

The automobile aristocrats opted for some old school cool when they teamed up with cult Italian bicycle builders, Cicli Montante. Built for the Paris Motor Show to celebrate the 70th anniversary of their Maserati 8CTF winning the Indianapolis 500, this is a finely detailed homage to the traditional art of bespoke, steel-framed, leather-saddled, single-gear track bikes. Yes, yes... calm down hipsters, calm down.